How to Survive in an Insane Society by Robert M Wilson

This story is well worth a read. Very humorous and so true!

The funny farm is not always funny.

1. Timing. Very early morning hours are best. Avoid rush-hours at all costs.
2. Silence. Stay calm within yourself. Most people fear quietness and will leave you alone.
3. Slowness. Never race. Psychos are usually hyperactive and will pass you by, although some are also slow. In that case, exit. Very slowly.
4. Anticipation. Most people are very predictable. Anticipate their behavior and act accordingly.
5. Avoid crowds: cultural and sports events, concerts, bars, restaurants, parades, political gatherings, religious services (including marriages and funerals), schools, where insanity tends to magnify.
6. Always have an alternative plan and be ready to go to it instantly. “If you can’t beat them, join them” is a losing strategy for the sane.
7. Learn survival techniques from endangered species–minorities, animals, plants.
8. Don’t take anything or anyone at face value. Many are fooled by pretense. Minimize exposure to electronic media, magazines and newspapers. “Media” comes from “middle”. It is not the real thing.
9. Follow unbeaten paths. Drive back roads. Better, don’t drive at all. Do not walk in straight lines. Stay alert and aware of your surroundings.
10. Master a martial art for self-defense. If forced to physically defend yourself, do it quickly and leave. Self-defense is punished by the courts.
11. Appear to fit in. Make innocuous replies. No one is listening. Help others if you can and if they’ll let you.
12. Eat healthy. Exercise. Count your fingers regularly. Don’t use drugs and doctors.
13. Enjoy your own endeavors. Laugh frequently. Sing, dance, write, make art, in private.
14. Do not stand out. Popularity attracts psychos like bees to honey. Bees sting. Complaining also attracts unnecessary attention.
15. Despite huge amounts of time and money spent on adornment, most people are uncomfortable being looked at directly. If you must, disguise your looks with sunglasses.
16. Never tell anyone that they are insane or they might prove it to you.
17. Relax. There’s almost nothing you haven’t seen before. Enjoy the show.
18. Learn Chinese. It is the future.

You will forget some of these suggestions but unpleasant consequences will remind you. Others may try to persuade you that society is not really insane. Judge by actions, not words.

Copyright 2005 Robert M Wilson. Author.