Marriages are as important as a good divorce!
Marriages are lovely, but when they go wrong, divorce is wonderful!
I feel I am in a position to talk about marriages and divorces. I have had five marriages. The first was to a lovely man when I was 18 yrs., but far too young, as I was not that mature at all. This last marriage was at the age of 56 yrs. I could have been married six more times in between the marriages, but with those men I chose to stay engaged and live with them as a common-law-wife. Each lasted around three years.
It seems to me that one can only pick the best of what is offered at the time. Sometimes, I thought it might last, if we grew together in the relationship. But, after a year of living together I found out all the things I did not like about that person and there were big enough issues, like differing opinions, or morals, which made me feel uncomfortable. I tried on each occasion to discuss the ‘relationship’ and give it more time in the hope there would be a substantial change for the better. Hoping that we could once again blend as before. It does not always happen though. As soon as I became too bored with the situation I was off! That was not always allowed by the man in question, but I was determined never to be under anyone’s thumb.
Growing apart happens and men seem not always to notice a woman is less affectionate towards him than she once was, especially if they are still having sex. Also, as soon as one becomes bored with the other partner it is the beginning of the end of the magic. I know the novelty and freshness of falling in love is a wonderful thing, but both partners should grow more together as they begin to really know each other. If love stays static it begins to die. No amount of counselling will make it as good as it used to be. Better, to agree to be friends, and keep whatever good feeling is left between you.
To stay longer and compromise will mean a wasted life. When the inevitable happens, the partner left behind will be as angry as they would have been if the leaving had been at the time it first went wrong. Living alone with the support (or not, as in my cases) of friends can be wonderful. Also, not answering to anyone is terrific too and worth a try. Living alone is far better than a lifetime of fighting and arguing with a partner. Who wants to keep getting angry with all that entails? Children will understand and as long as they are shown love, or are willing to accept the situation, they will learn to handle it.
Children will grow into independent adults who might or might not end up in the wrong relationships too. I do not say ‘make a mistake’ as no-one knows for sure until living together for a certain amount of time. It is always a gamble, as both partners will be learning, no matter what age and will either prove to continue to be ‘right’ for each other, or not. There is no point in anyone ruining what is left of their lives, or sacrificing themselves as the children will not always be children, and will soon grow away from the apron strings. Then where do you stand? Alone, no doubt.
Humans can fit together really well, if they are on the same wave-length and continue to grow, falling deeper in love. But, most humans are a poor fit and only a small percentage remain suitable for each other. Partners may be chosen for looks or money rather than who they really are, intellectually and emotionally. But, personality pays a large part in a couple being happy. If there is too great a difference they will begin to clash very badly and feelings will change.
Life is short and should be as good as one can make it. That is why I married five times, as I did. I was not prepared to just have a ‘boyfriend’ with the close intimacy which occurs. I also wanted commitment and do not regret it as I had hoped to make each marriage last. I just wish I had married the six men I only became engaged to. At the time, I did love them, or thought I did, or that I could be able to. Just as I felt with the husbands! (Well, except for one of them, but that is a long story). I would have been divorced nine times, and widowed once! But, those men meant more to me than an ordinary boyfriend might have, for they loved enough to want commitment to me too.
It is never too late for love. I am truly comfortable and content. And my love IS growing with each day, instead of dwindling. We miss each other dreadfully when we are not together and he does not take up my ‘personal’ space when he is around. He fits beautifully into it! I find new things to respect in my man regularly, which is very encouraging and we have the same hobbies, musical tastes, performing and listening. We share our talents and the same morals. We even think the same way and almost have a telepathy going on.
We both are from different sides of the ocean and we are still amazed how we ever found each other. Relocation for me meant leaving everything I owned and all I knew in England and of course, all my friends. (Obviously later, I recouped some of it.) I knew it was a gamble I needed to take and was prepared for the consequences. It has yet to be seen how long this wonderful two-way relationship lasts, but I shall enjoy every minute of it and plan for a future with my husband. There is separate financial back-up for both of us, in case we eventually go our own ways. This way, no one has to suffer and will have no cause for bitterness. Better to be safe than sorry!
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